Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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