u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
