While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
