Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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