Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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