He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
