JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
