I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
