Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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