Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
