i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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