I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm like, not good at living.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
