I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
