I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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