Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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