Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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