so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
