I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
