Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
