sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
