how can u be prego again
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
