OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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