singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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