Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
