your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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