were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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