Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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