I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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