fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize