You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
