call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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