Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
