Apparently you make a good broom.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
