So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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