I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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