A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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