Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize