i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
