its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
