i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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