alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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