Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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