So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
