Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dear god my vagina.
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