dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
