I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
