they need to just BURY HIM!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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