I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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