don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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