Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
