My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
