The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
