I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
