She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
