I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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