Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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