definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
