you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
