it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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