I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
