4 words: hood of his car
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
