Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
