I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
