My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
