Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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