Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
