I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love having hate sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
