Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
