you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
