I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
