the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
