wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
