Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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