So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's Friday. Sex?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i drank out of a bidet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
