She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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