I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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