after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My ass is underappreciated
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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