At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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