Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
