If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
