96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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