Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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