This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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